The Shower experience:

The wonderful Motel in Kaikoura had a very interesting shower. You could listen to the radio while being massaged with different water jets situated around the cubicle. As usual I read the instructions and went into this contraption first.

The high tech massage shower - Promises so much!

The high tech massage shower – Promises so much!

One of the downsides to needing glasses to see anything is trying to wear them in water. Showers are the worst as not only water but steam constantly obscures the view. So here I am moving my glasses up & down on my face trying to focus on the small print of the controls while trying to see around the water droplets. I tried bending down, kneeling down and squatting trying to figure out what all the symbols meant. They had none of those on the A4 piece of paper that was in the guest book. As is usual if you push enough buttons something usual happens.

The "Iron Maiden" looking all innocent.

The “Iron Maiden” looking all innocent.

I got the overhead light to work and water coming from both the overhead and the side hoses, but I couldn’t figure out how to get all the outlets working together.

Thankfully no water restrictions here.

I started to shrivel around wanting to try the foot massager as this did sound good in the directions, so after a few minutes of getting the gadget off the wall which is step 1, you have to turn a dial to transfer the water to this appliance, step 2.

Now in the instructions it did warn you that the water could shoot up to the ceiling so be careful. Luckily it’s an enclosed cubicle as this is exactly what happened. Here I am trying to put my hand over this fierce flow of water shooting to the roof from 2 outlets, one for each foot.

How on earth do you put 2 feet on to this and still stay up right? Maybe that ledge on
the side is a seat, (see photo). Yea – maybe for a person of a lot less size than this old girl.

Here I was trying to perch myself on this ledge and get both feet on to the massager while trying to not get blinded by the water shooting to the ceiling or sliding off the ledge. I thought getting a massage was supposed to be relaxing; I hadn’t done this much of a workout since leaving home. I eventually gave up on the contraption as now I was more tired than I
was before entering it.

The Foot Massager - An evil device easily adapted to replace the Chinese Water Torture.

The Foot Massager – An evil device easily adapted to replace the Chinese Water Torture

Now Chris had ducked down to the local shops to buy a battery so he had no idea of all the work I had just done. “So how does this thing work?” he comments on his return. Oh boy was I going to have some fun.

“Oh it’s great, you have to try it.” As we went into the bathroom I noticed it also had a remote on the wall, even better, I could control it from outside.

“Ok turn it on and get the water the right temp” I said to him. This means it comes out of the shower nozzle as a normal shower does. “Ok now turn that dial on the wall for it to come out the top”.

Out it comes alright but the first flow of water from the pipes is stone cold. “Ahhh!!” as he shuffles around the cubicle trying to get out of the cold. I must admit the giggles had already started from me. “You have to try the foot massage” I say. At least I could tell him how to get it off the wall quicker than it took me. “Open it up and now turn the dial again to get the water flowing.”

Out shot this water stream – STRAIGHT INTO THE FAMILY JEWELS – hit by a stream of water that was able to reach the ceiling of a 6ft cubicle.

The first reaction is to bend over but this only resulted in the intense jet of water hitting him straight in the face!

As he is staggering around the cubicle trying to figure out what was happening I was holding onto the wall trying not to collapse with laughter as tears streamed down my face.

“How do you turn the &*$% thing off?” he’s yelling.

I was no help at all. I couldn’t even stand let alone see as I’m holding my sides with laughter. The laughter continued for hours, every time I went near the bathroom fits of the giggles overcomes me. Even as I write this a couple of days later I still had to grab a tissue to be able to continue typing.

You can understand that his morning shower wasn’t very eventful he played it very safe. Probably a good idea, as the family jewels have had a lot done to them.